Reminder to parents: children are indeed less
Adults forget what it means to be small in the truest sense of the word. Reading to children books about Alice in Wonderland or Gulliver in the country of Lilliputians, we can imagine how the creatures feel, many times smaller than ourselves. But when we were children, we ourselves felt this fully.
As we grow older, our body and psyche develop simultaneously. Therefore, with the development of the psyche, we tend to forget the feeling of how to be small in the literal sense. It is amazing that we do not remember the most significant change that happens to us in life – the growth of our body. And it can be significant, especially in adolescence and youth.
Ever since primitive times, we subconsciously perceive superiority in size as a sign of strength. This is especially evident in young children: for them, size and seniority are equivalent concepts. They tend to believe that the higher you are, the older and stronger you are. If children from an early age understand the connection between growth and level of development, they feel confident and do not offend those who are younger or shorter.
In cases where the child does not understand such a connection, problems may arise: he can feel calm in only among adults who care about the younger ones (for example, with parents, teachers or doctors). Along with other adults who do not take this position, they feel lonely.
Psychologists conducted an experiment: the children were asked to choose which of the two glasses contains more water. The glasses were the same in diameter but different in height; the water was poured equally into the glasses. Most of the children claimed that there was more water in a tall glass, although visually it was obvious that the water in both glasses was equally divided. Children associate a large height with a large volume of water, for them it is an axiom.
On the other hand, children love everything small: model cars, toy trains, doll houses, etc. This is also related to their development: the miniature world is an expression of their personal experience, in which they play a leading role.
However, parents are often confused by the behavior of the child, because they forget the fact that they are big and the children are small. Parents always have power in the family, so they should treat such a mismatch with understanding and sympathy. Children know about this, and parents sometimes forget, especially those whom, in childhood, were also treated without due respect. Conflicts can arise due to the fact that children show negative emotions or fall into tantrums, and this leads parents to confusion. Children cannot see the situation from the side and think: “Don’t parents see that I am small? Why don’t they understand this? They must help me! ”
For parents who have experienced emotional trauma in childhood, this behavior of a child reminds of childhood, when parents themselves did not understand them and they felt powerless. When in such cases they communicate with the child from a position of strength, they thereby violate the natural order of things. For example, a child may be temper tantrums when parents do not let him choose what to wear. Parents should understand that the child is thus trying to convey to the parents that he is small, but he needs freedom of action. Instead, parents often get angry at him. The more angry they are, the stronger the child’s tantrums become. Parents who experienced emotional trauma in childhood, subconsciously think that the child’s resistance makes him more. They remember that in such cases, the parents were angry with them, and therefore they themselves tend to do the same with their child.
In such cases, parents may feel large or small depending on the emotions they experience. When they are upset because of the child’s bad behavior, he can subconsciously seem to them big and cause strong reactions.
An experiment was conducted in which two groups of mothers took part: surviving emotional trauma in childhood and not experiencing it. When the participants of the experiment were shown pictures of predatory animals, representatives of both groups felt fear, the activity of certain parts of the brain testified to this. But in participants who experienced emotional trauma, these areas of the brain were also active when they were given the opportunity to listen to an audio recording of a crying baby. In this case, they also experienced fear.
Psychological research shows the relationship between the emotional experiences of parents in childhood and their affection for their children. Parents who have experienced emotional trauma in childhood and were unable to cope with this experience often experience fear of the children or cause fear in them. The strong negative feelings of a small child unknowingly remind them of emotions that were not experienced in childhood.
When your child gets hysterical, tell yourself: “Yes, it annoys me and scares me. But the child is still small, and the strength of his emotions is also small. The child is small, but I am big, and I should not forget it. ”