Children watch adults and learn
Elena, the mother of 10-year-old Katya, says: “Recently, her friend came to visit my daughter. We chatted a bit. After a couple of days, my daughter reported that a friend found me sweet and calm and would like my daughter to grow up the same. I was surprised, because we talked with my daughter’s girlfriend for only a few minutes. I only showed hospitality, but my daughter’s friend thought it was something unusual.
Another friend, Katie, once said: “My father does not respect women.” I was stunned and asked why she thinks so. It turned out that she witnessed a situation where her parents argued about politics, and her father told her mother: “Shut up.” “The girl was not at all interested in politics, but before that she had never seen her father being rude to her mother.”
At first glance, both of these situations may seem insignificant – after all, children still do not understand much. But the children watch adults all the time and do the same. The old rule: “Do as I say, and not as I do” no longer works.
Modern children learn new experiences faster and learn all the latest news from the Internet. The modern education system develops more advanced skills in children. Children participate in a large number of activities, communicate with a large number of people and look at the world more widely.
Today’s children will become adults tomorrow, so it’s important to teach them the right behavior. To do this, you must show your child an example of proper behavior, and not teach him in words. The following tips will help you with this:
1. Develop self-reflection skills. It is easy to point out to another person his or her shortcomings or criticize him, it is much more difficult to honestly show an example of correct behavior. You can perform your usual actions without even thinking about how this affects your child. Slow down daily and pay attention to what you are doing and how the child sees it. Try to look at life situations with his eyes.
2. Ask people you trust how they see you. What, from their point of view, are your strengths, and what, in their opinion, can you do better? Most people reject all negative comments addressed to them, many are ready to hear only compliments about themselves. Do not criticize yourself when you are not ready for it. It’s better to take an interest in the opinion of yourself about the person you trust. However, here you should be careful – your spouse may criticize you unnecessarily when upset. Your friend can jokingly focus on your shortcomings. Do not ask for their opinions. You need a person who can objectively point you to your strengths and weaknesses. The psychologist can best help in this, but he knows only what you share with him, because he does not see you in everyday life.
3. Think about what you would like to leave behind. What would you like to be talked about and remembered after your death? Thoughts on this may be painful for you, but it is a good reminder that time is fleeting. Be attentive to your actions: try to become the person you would like to be remembered. Every day, focusing on what is important to you, you will be easier to organize your day and make the right choice in various everyday situations. Step by step, realize what you want and what you don’t want in your life.
4. Pay attention to how you talk in everyday life. Record your regular conversation on the recorder. No need to record the voice of other people – just imagine that you are talking to yourself on the phone and record a conversation. Pay attention to what tone you speak, what words you choose. Do you show respect in the conversation? Are you honest with the person you are talking to? Are you attentive to his feelings? This exercise is in many ways similar to self-reflection. Hearing yourself from the side, you will understand how important it is in understanding yourself. This exercise is not necessary in order to criticize yourself, but to understand your way of communicating with others.
Many parents are shocked when they hear their child utter an abusive or rude word. They do not understand that at such moments the child simply imitates them. And, probably, they themselves talk like that at home.
5. Treat children with respect. In fact, all people should be respected. But start at least with your child. The fact that you have lived for more than years does not mean that his opinion is not worth listening to. Often, parents simply ignore the children – they act as if they are not nearby. In no case should you do this. The child sees everything, feels and remembers. Something he sees, he accepts, and something rejects. However, at such moments, he learns to deal with other people.