Nine Good Parenting Skills
1. Be in touch with yourself to gain a broad perspective on things.
This is one of the most important parenting skills that you need to apply every time something goes wrong with your child. You must make contact with yourself.
When the situation escalates, try to abstract from it and ask your intuition, your wise “I”: “What must be done to act wisely?” This is not easy to do, especially if the situation causes you strong emotions. But if you develop such a skill in yourself, it will become your habit.
It is worth saying that establishing contact with oneself is the basis for the formation of other important parenting skills, which will be discussed below. So, what needs to be done to act wisely in various family situations?
2. Recognize the needs of the child and do everything in order to satisfy them
When you have learned to hear your inner voice, you must learn to make informed decisions. Ask yourself, “What does my child need in the long run?” Follow these principles:
look at things in the long run. If a child exhibits dangerous behavior (for example, takes medicine from a medicine cabinet without asking), it is necessary to intervene, because the consequences can be very serious. If the misconduct is minor, the punishment should not be too severe;
When making a choice, prioritize. If you have a goal to teach something to a child (for example, to teach him to play sports), then you need to regularly devote time to this, albeit to the detriment of other things;
love and respect are the keys to success. Even if you experience negative emotions, it is very important to treat your child with love and respect.
For example, you are constantly experiencing stress, picking up children from kindergarten. You are tired of the very idea that now you will need to cook dinner and listen to the endless whims of children all evening.
Ask yourself: “How can I make the evening enjoyable for everyone?” Perhaps you decide that you need to devote more time to yourself. You may not like this idea, because many parents are simply not used to spending time on themselves. But listen to your inner voice and come up with options for finding time for yourself (perhaps working from home to be able to devote yourself a couple of hours a day while the children are in kindergarten). Always remember the priorities. If you want your life and the life of your family to become better, you should devote more time to this.
Of course, this will not be easy and you will have to sacrifice something for this (perhaps a career or money). But, one way or another, you should always remember the long term. If in doubt, imagine yourself in 20 years. Look back from this position on the current situation and think about what your decision would bring the greatest benefit. From this position, it becomes clear which decision should be made, because this is how you see the future.
3. Show unconditional love
Unconditional love implies that you:
stop using threats and bribery in raising a child;
You will use positive reinforcements, show your child your love and full acceptance, regardless of his behavior.
Hug the child, even if you think that he is behaving badly, or when you have to refuse him.
This parenting style is also called unconditional parenting. Many parents find it difficult to adhere to it, because they are used to controlling their child in everything. However, nothing can cope with the tantrums of a child as well as our unconditional love.
If we tend to show love and affection for children only when they behave well, they might think that love should be earned. They form the conviction that they are loved not for who they are, but for what they do: for obeying their parents or for any achievements. In the future, children make great efforts to meet the expectations of others, mistakenly thinking that only in this case they will be accepted.
These children can be admired if they achieve a lot. The admiration of others also brings short-term pleasure, but it has nothing to do with love.
4. Rejoice at your child’s uniqueness
We constantly, without realizing it, compare children – their appearance, skills, etc. When our child is somewhat inferior to peers, we become more demanding of him.
However, you should understand that your child is unique and has his own strengths. Be on the side of your child, not against him. For this you need:
recognize that the child is beautiful as he is. Each child is a unique person, and this must be appreciated;
give up expectations about your child. Generalizations offend its uniqueness;
Encourage your child to defend his interests, even if you do not like some of them.