How to become peaceful and calm parents
Anger and frustration are emotions that everyone experiences, but this does not mean that all people necessarily become their hostages. The responsibility of adults to themselves and their families is not to allow negative emotions to prevail.
Let’s face it. Parenting is hard work. Sometimes you can’t leave a child unattended for a couple of minutes, for example, to take a shower. But even if your situation is not so, you still often feel frustrated. For example, you lose your temper by observing how a child, despite your many requests, does not turn off the light when leaving the room.
Many parents scream at the child, experiencing anger or frustration. This does not happen intentionally, but because of the strong negative feelings they lose control of themselves. Sometimes it’s easier for parents to yell at a child than to learn other ways to deal with anger and frustration.
Studies show: if parents scream at the child, he becomes more aggressive. His aggression can manifest itself in oral and physical forms. When you shout at a child, he gets scared and begins to feel insecure. Also, according to studies, screaming causes long-term consequences – anxiety, low self-esteem and increased aggressiveness. Conversely, calm parents make the child feel that they love and accept him, despite the bad behavior.
There are many ways to deal with negative emotions in various situations. Keeping calm while raising children is quite possible. Consider a few tips that will teach you how to overcome anger and find a peaceful solution to family problems.
1. Remember the negative consequences of anger. It’s easiest to immediately throw out your anger, but in the long run it will cause even more problems. Before yelling at a child or manifesting your anger in any other way, think about what will happen when you calm down.
2. Take a break. To calm down, pauses are necessary not only for children, but also for adults. Take a few deep breaths, give yourself a few minutes to put your thoughts in order – and you can make a more effective decision.
3. Sometimes let your loved ones make mistakes. No need to prove someone’s wrong – just let the children and other family members make mistakes. If you still have a strong desire to show your child that he is not quite right, remember that this is just the voice of your ego. Of course, parents should teach the child to distinguish the right from the wrong. However, in the end, you cannot constantly make choices for him. He will have to learn from his own mistakes and face the consequences of his own choice.
4. Think what is more important for you: to be happy or to be right. Many disputes arise because of the desire at all costs to defend their innocence. If you decide that it is more important for you to be happy and not win the argument, your life will become more pleasant, and in general you will become calmer. Therefore, decide what is more important to you.
5. Take a moment to explore your anger. Instead of mindlessly throwing out your indignation, take the time to study your emotions. Imagine that you are looking at them from the side. What does it look like? Where do emotions appear in your body: in the head, chest, stomach, or somewhere else? Has your breathing changed? Are your hands shaking or clenching? By understanding your anger, you can weaken its manifestations.
6. Ask yourself why you are upset. Has someone done you physical harm? Betrayed you? Deprecated something important to you? Find out the reason for your negative emotions – and you can take the right measures to solve the problem.
7. Rate the magnitude of the problem. Knowing that the world will end in a week, would you be upset when a child threw his briefcase on the floor? Of course not.
8. Look for a solution to the problem, not a way to feel better. Acting under the influence of anger, you seek to alleviate your emotions. Do not yell at the child; instead, find a more peaceful solution to the problem. Ultimately, this decision will be better for both you and the child.
9. Make sure you understand the situation. Why get angry at children without knowing all the facts? Make sure that the child really behaved badly, and did not act out of his own misunderstanding.
10. Use relaxation techniques. The more often you are relaxed, the less likely you are to get angry with a child. Using relaxation techniques can also help after an unpleasant situation has already happened. Learn to calm yourself.
11. Consider your annoyance as a chance to learn calm. Every situation when you are upset is an opportunity to practice your negative emotions management skills. There is an opportunity in every problem. Each time, try to cope with your emotions better than the previous one.
Do not let anger, frustration, and annoyance prevail over you. You always have the opportunity to show more love and find a more suitable solution.